just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
