ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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