when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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