i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
