tell your sister to shave her snatch
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
