You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
