No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
did i walk over a car last night?
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Randomize
