that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
