Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
