i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize