Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
