I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
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