I'm lost and stupid without you.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Randomize
