Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
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I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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