We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Randomize
