it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
