I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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