party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
