man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
