the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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