Swine flu is the new snow day.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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