So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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