she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Where is the hickey?
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
