Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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