I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
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Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
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Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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