well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Ladies don't puke and tell
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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