So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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