she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
