and you said cock pushups were impossible
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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