So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
