We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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