i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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