A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
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