He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
