its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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