someone get that fucking seahorse.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
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