Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
