i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
