every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
