im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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