WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
