Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize