Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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