i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
