Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
