My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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