I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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