We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
