Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
