Three words: puerto rican gang bang
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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