And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
