The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize