thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
