Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
