so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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