So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
